Perspective..

Perspective..

As I get older I think a lot about perspective.. not just in my photography, but life .  In photography I am learning to try and look at all things in different perspectives, lower, higher, crop in, focus on the little things.. maybe even more abstract views of grander views.

But in life…  I have spent years… maybe even most of my life looking at things in the big perspective , the future . Where can i shoot next?  Scanning potential opportunities to visit, shoot.. always looking for that next grand vista, epic sky.. always chasing..  in photography, in life, at work, in my business.. always a big , grand perspective..   It is always  “ someday I’m going there”, “ someday i will get that shot”,  “someday I will make more money”, …. Always … “ someday”….

Then one day  recently I woke up and realized, there will always be and also never be a “ someday”. …   I realized that in life there are only  First Times and Last Times..    There are two “ First Times” in life… some are absolutely amazing… the others are absolutely incredibly painful.  The  “ Last Times” are agonizingly painful… and always too late when you have them.

There are first times you meet an amazing person, see a place you dreamed of, have an amazing feeling of love, first time you hear that amazing song, first time you see your favorite movie or band, first time you soak your feet in a mountain stream, first time you see an epic mountain sunrise or sunset … so many amazing first times…

Then come the last times… and those .. are so, so painful.   There will be a last time you sit on a sofa and cuddle with your kid as you watch cartoons. Last time you played with your favorite toy, last time you hung out with friends ,  last time you go watch your kids play little league, last time you sit on a porch and talk to your grandpa, last time you take a walk in the woods with your dad, last time you hug your mom, last time you tell someone special in your life you love them…. And you never …. Ever … know it’s the last time… until… it’s the last time and its too late..

This year, i felt this strong pull, urge to surprise my mom for Mother’s Day. To be honest , I haven’t been with my mom on mother’s day for years.. always called , always sent flowers.. but this year i just felt i needed to go.  She didn’t know i was coming , i surprised her and spent most of the week there. The day I left, she hugged me.. held onto me and cried. She never did that before..  I held her tight.. told her everything was ok… then I cried all the way back home.  That was the last time I hugged my mom, got to tell her in person i love her,  truth be told… i could have stayed one more day… but i wanted to get the drive out of the way, things to get done at home, images to deliver to clients.. i was not being in the present , but once again looking ahead at the big picture..  I hate myself everyday for the moment.. every day..

Then comes the second type of First Time…  First time you realize your kids are no longer kids and are gone, first time you sit on that porch and your grandpa isn’t next to you, first time you walk in the woods now alone, first time a Mother’s Day comes and she isn’t there to call, first time you pick up the phone to call that someone you always have and now you can’t..  every single thing you do is now… the first time , since they have been gone… it is like your whole life resets..

In the span of the last 10 years… and we all know that sounds like a long time.. but isn’t.. I’ve lost 3 uncles, an aunt, my best friend and now my mom… I’ve lost almost my whole family… so i have experienced the first and last times over and over..

My advice.. Take Perspective in your life… don’t look for life’s wide angle, the “someday” .. the “ one day i will”….  Zoom in and be present .. look at what is in front of you.. what is now.. cherish every single moment , don’t take anything for granted, if you can squeeze in more time in the moment.. no matter if it may seem like an inconvenience to you… do it… those things you think you have to get done, or are piling up.. can wait.. dealing with something that didn’t get done is nothing compared to dealing with a….  Last Time…